Episode 98: Story time: Our Disordered Eating College Days
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Episode Description
Welcome to our first story time! In this episode of The Up-Beet Dietitians podcast, Emily and Hannah are sharing stories from college days at Purdue. From bikini competitions to binge eating in the dining courts, the girls have their own lived experiences with disordered eating to share about. We hope this episode helps you feel less alone on your journey to recovery and full food freedom.
Disordered eating/ED resources:
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hello guys welcome to another episode of the upbeatings podcast hey guys welcome back
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to a new episode in fact it's a new episode format today
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you guys know and love are like educational episodes and we love making them but we thought it would be fun to
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kind of sprinkle in like some of our own stories and lived experiences along with like the educational things that we talk
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about too um we've talked a little bit together both like on air and off air about being
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more authentic on here and we think that would include us just talking about like our own lives and such a little bit more
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because we do have our histories of disordered eating and such that we know a lot of you could relate to so without it would be good instead of
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just us being like audio textbooks for you all we thought it could be nice to kind of
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show that we're actual humans too so we're doing exactly that today
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tell me good we're and I think that's when it's more fun when you guys get to hear a little bit
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more about our personal lives I feel like the most personal we normally get is like when we get into the therapy section
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so you probably I always probably just think we're like mentally unwell and then we're dietitians and that's it
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that's all you know about us I'm excited for today we're gonna talk like Hannah said about like our
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disordered eating history a little bit so trigger warning because that's kind
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of primarily what we'll be talking about so if you think uh talking about disorder eating at all or hearing about
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disorder eating will be a trigger for you skip this episode um protect your piece
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and let's just get into it because I feel like I don't know where this episode will take us because it's a new
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format but yeah bear with us I'm sure we'll find a way to just talk a lot because that's typically what
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yeah yeah well let's start with the history of Emily shall we like how did
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the upbeat dietitians even come to be we've shared a little bit about it especially like in our first episode but
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I do not recommend listening to that first episode because we are like robots like we re-recorded it though oh did we
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mm-hmm we were re-recorded it when I visited
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you last year now I'm thinking I'm like did I upload the new I know because we
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also recorded like an ad thing that we never used we definitely didn't use that which is good because it was like a 30
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minute long ad it's like which actually it's a whole
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episode about the ad um I'll have to go check right now but I'm like 85 sure you're right we did
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record something uploaded the new version okay well maybe do listen to it but also
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we'll just give you a rundown here of how we met yeah and everything so no need if you don't want to yeah no
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so we met at Purdue we both completed our undergraduate degree at Purdue
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and we met during Summer Orientation there was something called star and I
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don't know what that stands for now that I don't either and I even like helped work it like my junior senior year it's
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like student student training admission
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I don't know student training and relations something weird
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we meet we kind of met during that or like we technically all met
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we didn't realize all of Purdue met during star warmer dietetics class met but we didn't
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actually really meet until like we were both of the same dual major program
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because no we could not make it easy for ourselves or like let's do two majors instead of one in four years yeah yeah
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because life was not easy enough for us um but that's just naturally how we both
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are we just can't yep even now we can't make life easy for us no it's like what
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more can I add to my book or my my plate so that I'm more overwhelmed yes let's
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do that never relax and when you're relaxed you're dissociating I don't know about you I dissociate it relax I forget
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where I am have you seen like the memes of like consuming like five types of media at once so you don't have a single
4:59
thought in your brain yes that's literally me I have to like have something planned on the background
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while I'm reading or on my phone and I'm like there no thoughts are being had thoughts if I think bad things will
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happen no yes but we met during our dual major
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I think we talked about in the first episode how like we actually didn't talk until like bio class I remember it very
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distinctly where I'm like I recognize that girl she's in dietetics I'm gonna walk up to her and introduce myself
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which thank God you did because I would never because I'm not like that at all I
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would have never met you until like senior year maybe I was gonna say we were we were like a close-knit
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group by the end but that was just all like our trauma bonding of going through Purdue dietetics yes
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um and then from there it out we sat next to each other and became best friends ever since
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um have we told the story about how I forgot your name I think I feel like we did
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but I didn't know this I don't think you told me this for a while no it's probably like junior year or something
6:08
when I finally admitted it I had Emily in my phone as like Emily dietetics or like no dietetics girl or something like
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that for the longest time because I am so bad at remembering names and then eventually like I somehow
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learned like either you said it like in like a little monologue or something or I saw you like write it on a piece of
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paper or something I don't know I finally figured out your name was Emily and I was like cool that's the best way to find out names is looking at their
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papers or I think what they're doing I'm like hmm I feel like we use that strategy a few times too we we
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definitely yeah other people instead of asking but you know it's okay
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so going into Purdue we like had very
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different views like both of us we did not I don't want to say we had the same views but like compared to where we are
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right now we had very different views and approaches
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to dietetics we like I had no prior nutrition education before undergrad and
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then years kind of thrown into it you're like this is what my perceived conception of like or I don't know if
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that word makes sense my perception perceived conception I don't know if that makes sense of conception is the
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right word I think I'm like Inception babies
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I'm saying perception but I'm making it two words perceive perception
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they're like no that's not right correct we did graduate I promise we did it's
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just sometimes our brains don't work but that's nothing new if you've been here
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for a while but yeah I agree I think I think maybe what we believed in like just you and I
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were pretty similar but they're different now than they were back then
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um but yeah I feel like when it comes like no one knows what dietitians are or
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do including us when we were going in to our dietetics program like no one knows
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what I just do all you know is you talk to people about food that's like it's
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honestly barely even the case like it's more about like what your brain is thinking about food and my experience
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anyway at this point yeah there's yeah you're just kind of going in
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line and you don't even like learn about dietetics until like junior year honestly it's just organic chemistry and
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biochemistry Anatomy yeah we did have like intro to dietetics class but I felt
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like that like still I was like oh yeah because a lot of a lot of them they came in were like weirdly like
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private about what they actually do yeah like would tell you like General things that they're like no I can't
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it's confidential and I'm like what do you do um because I probably wanted to say it's a terrible job don't do it
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you're gonna regret it shout out to like the professors that were transparent specific one in mind
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we love him yes didn't save us in time but it didn't save us we were already
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too far in thousands of dollars to deter laughs
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but today is more about like during our College days
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sort of our mutual disordered eating behaviors that we experienced
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um I have some notes of kind of some things I want to talk about but I feel like generally I probably was
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experiencing disorder eating before going into college I just seem to remember college more because it was
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more recently but I was an athlete in high school I played soccer my entire life I grew up with
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a family that was very much like organic and the seed bread and
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I love my mother but she buys like the organic Cheetos organic Gatorade I'm
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like it's it's okay if we have just regular Cheetos and Gatorade um I have a note on here
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I think it's like later I was gonna say it but um I distinctly remember in high school
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doing the Paleo Diet and I was a soccer player so I would
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have like tuna I'd have like a tuna can a tuna and spinach for lunch and then
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wonder why I was like dying at soccer practice afterwards because I had like zero grams of carbs in my body do you
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think that you picked up on Paleo from like your family oh yeah my mom was
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doing it too yeah um go listen to last week's episode about generational dieting
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check it out check it out dang that's crazy tuna and
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spinach I also remember one day having Chinese for some reason and then I threw up in
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the shower afterwards because I ate like a ton of sweet and sour chicken
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dang so it's one of the others I was either under fueling or over fueling a very not uncommon
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side effect of no I think that's pretty typical yeah
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but oh my gosh I didn't scare you hold on wait I don't want to move past this I've never
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thrown them in the shower oh yeah I scared too much I like came
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home and I like felt so crappy and then I just like barfed in the shower at least it was a space you could clean
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yeah I don't think that was intentional I just like at that point finally was able to like let it out
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yeah and it wasn't like like a binging and purging thing I do want to make that very clear it was just like I over ate
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and I was doing sprints my body was like what the hell are you doing and I threw
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up what is going on here yeah oh man especially if you weren't used to
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eating like that much food right your body's probably like get this out of me like which is it are
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we eating 100 calories for lunch or are we eating at like 600 like pick a lane
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lady oh my gosh yeah
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but I thought you know since I know how to eat healthy of course I can help others eat healthy
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enter me into Purdue dietetics and there we go I feel like that sums up so many
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people's dietetics experience oh yeah we've I don't know if we talked about it on
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the podcast but I know we've talked about it with other people off air about how there should be a vetting process
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going into dietetics for like eating disorders they should screen us for sure
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every single one like because the more people we talk to like after
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College the more I was like we like found out about other people's disorder eating
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experiences and I'm like we're all just like struggling and then
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like conflictedly in it exactly it just like makes it worse in so many ways
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and I feel like even if we do screen like positive for having disordered eating before we go in like we could
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still do it they just need to like have like therapy options for us someone help them through that exactly
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[Music] and so thankfully Emily and I made it out that's kind of my conclusion today
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which I'll just jump right to that I guess and then go back the podcast episode is over it's over that's all you
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guys need to know is that I used to eat tuna and spinach for lunch um is like Emily and I were lucky enough
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to get out because we did like have exposure to other dietitians who do talk about like disordered eating and health
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at every size all of that um but not everyone has that experience so
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hopefully if you're listening to this you are working on getting out of those behaviors um also recommended sharing this episode
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or this podcast with others who might have those experiences to help them but I just want to say that like not all of
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us are lucky enough to learn what we have learned
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um even though at the beginning it was not helpful we were able to just like keep learning and be able to get out of it which is a positive for us yeah I
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feel like this is also jumping in as luckily we had like faculty that
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were you know I see a more like non-diet anti-diet approach and we were
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introduced to like some intuitive eating and Haze so like that's what like I know
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for me specifically like that was a huge turning point because I was like wait
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what is this exactly yeah I have it in my notes so I think it was like junior year or so was that junior year we took
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that class with yeah okay yeah um we took a I think it was just called like nutrition counseling and at that
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point I wasn't fully convinced yet of like intuitive eating Health at every size like oh no I was still like you
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could really be healthy at every size like my brain wasn't fully there until honestly like a year ago I don't think
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my brain like during internship I was like
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what is this what you mean that people who are in larger bodies aren't just
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lazy pieces of crap what yeah that's news to me ugh so frustrating but luckily though
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like Emily had said it did kind of like spark her interest get us started in thinking about it and I've heard we've heard from other
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dietitians that they haven't had a class like that um yeah so I feel like we were lucky in that way that we had that just like tiny
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brief introduction um and we've spoken with that Professor who taught that class kind of like post
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grad and um she's kind of expressed that
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she I think would like to be able to go more in depth with those topics but like where's the time like you've got other
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things to worry about and curriculum that you have to cover um so I feel like we're lucky just to even get that little bit that we did
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yeah I'm hoping like going forward there'll be more classes like that
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or dietetic students because it was like honestly probably like most one of the most beneficial classes we were in yeah
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I agree I think that one and then also 415 was it right when we got to like actually counsel a client with
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supervision oh yes that was crazy that was crazy I I put my notes here actually about that because
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um of course I was still in my cliche dietitian era and so I remember the
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client asking about the dirty does and I was like oh yeah don't ever eat those fruits and vegetables that have those
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pesticides like you gotta like tread lightly with that I'm sure Rachel was like what like did Rachel say rolling
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her eyes in the back of her head like Jesus like yeah stupid dietetic students what do they
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know I know but like he was definitely that's such a tough situation to be in where like you're
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like seeing these like very fresh students and like a lot of what they
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learn is like from family the internet and then at that point we'd had like
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three years under our belt um a formal education but you're
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probably like oh I'm like yeah like just barfing in her own mouth as
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I'm saying that oh and those poor clients like they just sign up for this knowing that we're really volunteering
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yeah like they are brave they probably that's their hearts I hope we didn't traumatize any of them too
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lately I hope Rachel like pulls them aside after she's like actually everything PSPs doesn't don't listen to
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what they said those students they're learning but unfortunately though like there's
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plenty of dietitians who do still do those things oh yeah and it's a turkey competition to have because of course we
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can't say that we're right about everything because we're not no but of course we also believe what we believe
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in and looking back we just feel like that's not the best way to do things
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okay it shows character growth when you can look back and talk on your flaws so
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maybe we'll look back in like a couple years from now we'll be like oh they were so dumb for saying that I guess
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we're already doing that like just on like the podcast like the beginning of the podcast we're like hmm the last few
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episodes we talked about it like we're like do not go listen to old episodes we do not know who those people are talking
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on the mics we are very different that is not Hannah and Emily that well it is
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it's just the old versions of them we've grown we have critical thought we continue to grow that not everyone
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has unfortunately no but that's it that's the story for
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another time yeah yeah yeah yeah um I also want to talk about you being a PT yes me too so very similar to my
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intro to dietetics I also was super into exercise and I still am I still love exercise and teaching about it too
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um but I became a personal trainer for very similar reasons I thought that since I'm making everyone eat healthy I
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can also make them exercise a ton and they're just gonna be the epitomies of health because of me the professional
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thank me later but also cha-ching oh yeah so stupid I again I do love being a
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personal trainer I love exercise I love talking about it um but very similar to dietetics I just
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went into it for the wrong reasons and I feel once again that that is the case for so many personal trainers and again
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very similarly a lot of them stay in that realm of doing it for the wrong
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reasons I mean I know from our standpoint we've at least like had like some education like some education a lot
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of nutrition you know a class or two maybe a course
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um but like for pts it's all like exercise I don't think they take any nutrition there
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wasn't anything in the like to become a PT there was no nutrition component there's a tiny there so we actually
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learned a lot about the scope of practice which is very ironic because so many personal trainers don't abide by it
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but the major personal training certification organizations like I went through ACE
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um but also ACSM and nasm are also like the other pretty big ones I only know what Aces curriculum is for sure but
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I've heard that ACSM and nasm are very similar in that they talk about the scope of practice and they all say like
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you could not give meal plans you could not recommend supplements you cannot give calorie and macro goals yeah I
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guarantee anyone listening to this has seen a personal trainer get out macro goals like on the internet if not in
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their own personal life oh yeah it's crazy like they do learn or we do learn as personal trainers like what is a
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calorie what does protein do like just like the very basic nutrition like stuff you would learn in like
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that like nutrition 101 class at Purdue like the most basic yeah just like
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non-nutrition major class yeah um but I think again the biggest just
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like the funniest thing is that we learn about scope of practice yes so many
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don't abide by it it is fun I would like to do a study
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but also I don't know if this is just us or all dietitians or a lot of dietitians
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is like I feel like we've been like drilled in our head to like you stay in
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your light and you do not go out of your lane and we have like a code of ethics and we
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stick to that like I even like I know we've talked about this before even though I have like the dual
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major like you and like the second part of it was nutrition fitness and health and I've taken multiple health and
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Kinesiology classes I do not dabble in Fitness at all the most I say is don't
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you don't have to exercise because you hate yourself which I don't think that takes any type of formal training
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apparently it does because apparently getting formal training makes you say that you should exercise because you
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hate yourself yeah yeah so it's just like I know I know just PT like personal trainers
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it it's a problem in a lot of professions we just talk about most with like nutrition because
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nutrition tends to get hit very hard with that but it's just I
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don't get it I don't get it either feeling confident enough to like talk about topics that
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like you've had minimal education if any education in like we learned a little
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bit about medications and MNT and like what they do and how like food interacts
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with them but like I would never tell a patient like you should ask your doctor for XYZ
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medication no so many doctors who also had a very tiny amount from those part
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some do have extensive education but for the most part most doctors are just learning a very tiny amount of nutrition they for the most part once again
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um feel very very confident talking about nutrition even though they likely learned as much about nutrition as we
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learned about medication yeah I don't get it I
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everyone eats I also I know we've talked about this
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recently off air the like social dynamics of the field where I'm
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like if we were men would our job be
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so overshadowed and questioned all the time
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and like told that we're wrong all the time and I don't think it would
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be a lot less but oh yeah it'd be a lot less I'm sure we'd still get stuff
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because it's nutrition and everyone has different beliefs but yeah
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it's very interesting if you ever want people want some sad entertainment
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go look at the comment section I'm forgetting his name the like really big male dietitian
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Zach I think Zach yes Zach go look at what's his was it Cohen I think it's
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Zach it's something with a c yeah go look at his comment section and then go
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look at any of any email dietitians comment section that has like just
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screw you'll still scroll for you'll get the Vibes yep it's crazy
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how much of a difference it's I love having a viral video because it's good for business and I get a lot of
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people who do get my message but like my most recent one on Tick Tock it is 900
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comments and I'd say most of them are telling me how I'm wrong which one is it
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um the one where I'm on the couch clapping talking about how it's okay to eat sugar and bananas and you don't have
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to internet fast and all of them are like anecdotal evidence like this worked
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for me blank blank blank I'm gonna keep doing it I'm like cool this is a video for you then or my doctor says this I'm
25:48
like okay first of all great listen to your doctor I'm some Rando on the internet of course my advice is not
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specifically talking individual yeah but also maybe your doctor isn't the most
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educated on nutrition people just like have this like Blind Faith in them
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yeah uh it's it's insane but yeah I like Zach I like his content but you're so
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right a lot of his I'm sure he gets trolls too everyone does but oh yeah like there's no way he has that like big
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up following in every single person is a green one that's just statistically not possible not possible
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but it's interesting when we look into it a
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little bit more and then I know like people are always like you're just making it about
26:39
like you're just saying people are like misogynistic or like people it's not that deep and I'm like let's look at how
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like teachers and nurses are treated this is like especially soft top or a soft topic touchy topic yeah yeah I
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think that's a better word the soft topic it was recently
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National Nurses Week I think National yeah National
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and Hannah and I are not nurses you're not aware
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the upbeat nurses we know a lot of nurses and work with a lot
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of nurses and the way that some of them are being treated for
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their Appreciation Week are horrendous in the sense of like the complete lack
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of effort and lack of thought for everything they do it's nothing new that teachers aren't
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respected and treated like trash and it's a female they're both female dominated Fields mm-hmm
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but we're I feel like I'm spiraling right now so we should get back I know I'm thinking like this whole episode's
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about like to start eating in college we've barely talked about that um yeah it's more so like
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our journey as dietitians and how our brains are feeling about that yeah but yeah I I guess I don't have a whole lot
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of well actually I do as I say I don't have a whole lot of remember remembrances memories
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those memories yes remembrance remember I like that I don't have a lot of
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remembrances of like my disorder eating in college but I actually do I I told
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the story before I thought I wanted to be a bikini competitor like a bodybuilding I went through that phase I
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went through the polar opposite where I wanted to be a power lifter which I could still see myself doing that um although
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just like the the way it sometimes can be portrayed and like recommended like
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to do things does involve like macro counting and gobs of protein all of that
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but anyway I went through kind of those two phases a lot I'd say mostly
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the bikini and the bodybuilding of my biggest thing because at the correct our gym that we went to at Purdue there were
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a lot of others who were bikini competitors bodybuilders and I was like oh that's so cool like look at them the
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epitomies of Health because you know I could look at their body and see if they were healthy or not it's what you do when you're in a gym
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setting um thankfully I never went through with it but I did have a very long phase of
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counting every calorie eating classic like bodybuilding Foods egg whites rice
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cakes peanut butter powder Quest Bars yep
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um I remember like my fitness pal oh my gosh yes that was like that was a
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big part of it yep my Fitbit I use that to like tell you all my steps
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crazy I remember we took a class where we got to volunteer with the athletes
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um and like we worked like in the Sports Nutrition department and there was another girl that I was like working at
30:00
one of the feeling stations with who was also like she actually did compete
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she had competed a few times at this point um she was a competing bikini competitor I believe and I was like asking her
30:12
questions about it and kind of expressing my interest and she was like oh there's actually like a certain like a certain body type and like a certain
30:20
look you need to have to do it I was like excuse me
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like what excuse me I did not know this yeah I forget I wish I knew who she was because I would tell you but that in two
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at the same time I was kind of like more motivated because I want to be like Fu lady I'm gonna like kick your ass and
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I'm gonna be better than this competitive side yeah exactly but also I
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was like oh maybe she's right I'm like not a good fit for this whatever so I think that's actually like a tiny
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percent of the reason why I ended up not going through with it but could you believe that she was like yeah I was
30:58
like there's like a body shaming you she was very like conventionally pretty too and I think that was part of it as well
31:03
like she had the look for a bikini competitor yeah wow the drama I know she
31:10
like kind of saved you but also like not the way to go about I know not your intention I assume I will never forget
31:16
that because I was like rude that would stick with you I think it was like maybe sophomore year I think she
31:23
was a senior and I was just trying to like talk about it and like learn more and like have a conversation about
31:29
common interest but then she shot that down real fast I was like I'm kind of rude
31:36
oh my gosh I just have a certain look for that
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which honestly is true that's part of the reason why it's problematic but still yeah
31:48
yeah oh she's just sharing the the problems with it she she
31:55
didn't realize it but she's like oh yes this like red flag about it like this is
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I don't think she viewed it that way I think no I I am genetically blessed and
32:10
I get to do this but you don't or you shouldn't anyway because you're gonna just feel sad about
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it um but yeah that's that was her intention maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt she was
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looking out for me yeah let's see yeah oh I didn't ever forget that and like I
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remember like it's good to pack your launch I'm not anti-packing your lunch but I of course would like always pack the most ridiculous boring things to eat
32:38
and then I'd be starving all day wondering why I couldn't like focus on like schoolwork you know classic stuff
32:45
like that that's sick and then we also had our Instagrams our like Instagrams that we
32:51
made oh my gosh I could probably find them I can't log into them unfortunately but
32:57
like Emily I think perfect pair right was the one perfect do I even want to
33:02
say this oh God oh my God I found it we have 48 followers
33:08
no I think you should immediately like here's me flexing in a mirror wait they follow me
33:15
what is this password to this account we gotta delete this
33:20
2017 oh no the way I can literally tell you what dining halls I know
33:28
I ate at when I post these pictures okay but some of the captions are kind of cute
33:34
like the I'm proud of the food list one we talked about like how low carb
33:40
isn't a bad thing oh man this is literally you I'm gonna when in doubt
33:45
throughout this you posted this when in doubt throw some veggies and Chicken on greens and consider lunch complete and
33:52
it's like literally like ew it's like spinach with a tonicorn cheese chicken
34:01
three little Peppers this is exactly what I was picturing this lunch right
34:07
here it's like pesto chicken spinach green beans carrots tomatoes and I ate
34:13
it cold I remember oh I remember this okay but look how cute this little
34:20
quesadilla is oh cute oh my gosh I the grocery hauls oh oh my
34:28
God the pictures are friends oh my ears like Miss France oh my gosh
34:33
we did have that I said treat yourself I know we preach healthy eating but it's
34:39
also very important to treat yourself oh your little appreciation post of me eating dining court food
34:46
who is that baby thank you oh my gosh my new favorite drink this is
34:51
you I just mixed coffee almond milk banana banana vanilla whey powder and
34:57
ice in a blender that actually is very good really into but that sounds good I
35:03
posted my Easter meal wait you were obsessed is this is this a teaching
35:09
influence yes yes yes 100 I was like I would know this
35:15
kiwi powder and coconut oil and sweet potato and egg anyone
35:21
which actually does taste good but once again mine it does look awful I'm gonna make sure slushies
35:28
oh my gosh we really like moderation is key it once in a while is okay or a
35:34
little slushy picture oh that's a cute picture it is cute look at this dry ass chicken with some sweet potatoes and
35:41
broccoli yeah okay so want to hear something interesting
35:48
the reason also I have minimal pictures on here is because a lot of my dessert eating
35:55
continued into my dining cord habits so I would not share
36:01
like the pictures of what I was eating so you were carrying this account for like two-thirds of it I was like if I
36:10
was like out of how do we post a picture oh this is butternut squash I thought there was this mango I'm like why did I
36:16
go symbol of mango um Dang if we had kept up with that who
36:21
would have known where we'd be right now maybe we'd have millions of hours
36:27
um this is like the old tud basically oh yes I feel like I didn't have a lot of
36:33
like really big noticeable like points in my disorder eating I like mine
36:40
actually started it wasn't really because of my family it was it came out of like stress
36:46
and like dealing with like emotions mine started junior year where I want to
36:52
go same thing I want to go into Sports Nutrition but I also wanted a cure obesity
36:57
two very interesting goals I had I forgot we had like our Sports Rd days that was a big part I wanted to be a
37:03
sports dietitian up until probably 20 20. same like
37:11
if it weren't for the pandemic and realizing job security is a thing honestly and I also didn't want to move
37:18
from away from Chicago but the whole job security part I was like oh my gosh I
37:23
would like to have in case there's another one I would like a job yeah
37:29
um but mine started because I was like in too many AP classes and I was like
37:34
balancing studying for the ACT which Hannah you know I'm a terrible test taker so like that was a horrible time
37:41
and then also like was doing sports at the same time and I like
37:49
I distinctly remember around like 2 P.M every day like my entire life up until I
37:55
was 16. around 2 p.m I'd have like hunger cues where like at the time I
38:01
think I I don't think I knew really what it was but I was like oh my stomach hurts and
38:07
it's grumbling and it feels really empty and I was like I'm gonna ignore it and
38:13
then I like classic ignore your Hunger Games for what right and then
38:20
junior year I started like giving into it I would say giving in I was honoring
38:27
my Hunger Games had I was like giving in so like I've
38:32
ignored this for 16 years of my life why am I like responding now but I
38:38
I have like certain foods I think you know this because like I like can't enjoy them to this day
38:44
where like they were like my binge foods and it was
38:50
Kashi granola bars I knew you're gonna say that it was the chewy chocolate chip
38:56
granola bars and it was hot chocolate and my parents had no idea I like
39:02
brought this up to them years later and they're like we just thought you really liked it
39:07
what I would do and I'm sharing this because I've like never shared this publicly only certain people know about
39:13
this so I'm like you know what maybe someone else is going through this and they will be like Oh I'm not alone
39:19
because like I had no idea what I didn't talk to people about this right um I every day to deal with like what I
39:27
would do with it is it was like I was so stressed I would like overeat to like numb the stress okay so I'd be so like
39:35
uncomfortably full that I like couldn't have thoughts
39:41
still happening it's still happening just different different coping mechanisms
39:47
um but I would like grab like six or seven of each of the granola bars and
39:53
have like two or three hot chocolates every night but the thing is I would sneak the granola bars up to my room and
40:00
just like lay on the ground and like scroll my phone and just like eat them and there was like no I was not gauging
40:09
fullness I was just like it was like uh it wasn't coping mechanism it was just
40:14
like eating to like forget about my responsibilities and like the
40:20
stress and everything so I was like eating probably like 2 000 calories more than I normally do
40:27
every single day and I ended up gaining like the reason I know this is be actually
40:34
I'm not going to share the number because I don't want anyone comparing that I gained 10 of my body weight
40:41
in two months and the reason I know this is because I weighed myself every morning because say
40:50
that's what I was taught to do so at first I was like oh it's creeping
40:55
up a little bit and then it got to the point where I was like this is much
41:00
higher than it normally is like normally it's kind of like it might fluctuate a couple pounds but I was like hmm
41:07
but it just became this thing where like in order to like deal with stress and
41:13
like avoidance essentially of my life I would like overeat and over indulge
41:21
and that one it affected my like sleep a lot which was not good
41:27
I guess it also affected my body but I'm like oh well it affected like honestly what
41:34
it made me most upset about is it affected like my like track and field career little high school career is
41:41
because I got so much slower and I was like so upset because in high school that was
41:47
like the sport I probably cared most about and I was like it's fine we're fine but it carried over into bringing
41:55
it back to our Instagram account oh my God they carried over into
42:00
College because in the dining courts is unlimited eat it like it's a buffet and there were Foods
42:07
there was a lot of food in the dining courts that were not normally around
42:13
at my like home before so I was like oh my gosh it's so exciting I can eat these
42:19
Foods more so I was like eating like way way way more than I was used to
42:24
but then I've talked about Ari a little bit I was
42:29
in R.A for three years and one it financially got me through
42:34
college so you know what thank you wrestling for sponsoring my college
42:41
on the other hand there were some negatives but the one we'll talk about
42:46
today is and this won't even seem like it is because I got the unlimited meal plan which are like I'm like that's not
42:52
a negative you didn't have to worry about food security like you had access to food whenever you wanted
42:57
and which is very good because a lot of people do not have that privilege but since I have unlimited swipes swipe
43:05
is like when you go into a dining Court I could go in however much I wanted and
43:10
I would just like I remember distinctly they were like a lot I'm saying there were really bad days at Purdue there
43:16
were a lot of really bad days at Purdue so like I don't really they heavily outweighed the good ones honestly but I
43:24
would go and like completely overeat and I would like hide in a corner because I
43:30
didn't want anyone to see what I was eating so I never took pictures one for our Instagram
43:36
and two like literally physically I didn't want people see seeing me there because I was like ashamed of what I was
43:43
eating and I was like literally over indulging because I was like dealing
43:48
with whatever stressor Purdue threw at me that day
43:54
I like distinctly remember there was one day where like I wasn't in a corner because one four dining Court finding
44:01
seating was impossible so like you kind of have to take what you get and I ran into another R.A
44:08
and he was like can I sit with you I was horrified because I was just gonna ask
44:14
if you ever avoided like eating with people too all the time yeah all the time like I would probably still eat
44:21
with you because like I did not yeah we ate together did not feel
44:26
stress at all eating Imodium which was nice yeah but like I would avoid eating with people all the time
44:33
because I was like binging so much and they like and it's a
44:39
buffet so you can do whatever you want there's no time limit you can stay as long as you want to and I remember like
44:45
when he sat there down and like was eating with me in my head I was like oh my gosh she's gonna judge like
44:50
everything I'm eating I like try to like move my plate around and I was like so
44:57
like not present in the conversation because I was like stressing the whole time about
45:03
um like what I had in front of me the other part of this though so there's a dining
45:08
cords there's the on the go option yeah this is something no one knows because I kept this a secret now it's coming to
45:15
the Internet so everyone's gonna know oh I so onugo is an option where like if
45:22
you can't go to the dining ports you can use x amount of swipes for like taking food on the go I hence the name
45:30
and what I would do is you'd get like a certain amount of swipes with the unlimited plan
45:36
did I have the unlimited I definitely did I did have the updated plan I was like did I do the other one no because I
45:42
didn't really care about having more Dining Dollars because I got like so many for the semester
45:48
but I remember you'd have X amounts so like at the end
45:54
of the week everyone was always like oh you got to use all your swipes so you just go to the on the go stations and
46:00
like completely clear it out and a lot of what other Ras do which I like
46:06
Justified it was like oh I'm gonna get snacks for my residents what I would do is I would go get like
46:12
five six seven bags of like chips or candy and then I'd go back to my room
46:17
and like binge hmm and that one
46:23
was much easier to hide because for the most part I didn't have a roommate yeah for the most part
46:30
we'll save that story until I did but anyway yeah
46:38
um but that was something where like I would do that so regularly because like with one swipe kind of would you get
46:43
three or four items I don't remember three or four so like if you use like two or three
46:49
swipes you can get like 10 plus items and yeah it'd be like sandwiches soup
46:55
but also like chips cookies you can kind of use it however yeah you want I would
47:01
always get like freshman year when I had the swipes I would get the um like the Welch's fruit snacks and I would go hard
47:07
on those yeah yeah hard
47:12
yeah I it's it's probably just a huge transition from
47:17
going to a environment where you don't have like I mean your parents weren't like
47:23
starving by any means or intentionally like trying to deprive you it sounds like but if there's only certain foods
47:29
available but you want other Foods when you finally have access to those of
47:34
course it's like a free-for-all yeah and like it was very much like I would when I was younger I'd be excited to go into
47:40
friends house because there was like fun babe and fun snacks and I was like yeah and I'd always feel like we need to eat
47:46
snacks and they're like why I'm like I don't get this my friend Ellen
47:53
um she her parents always have like the Little Debbie stuff like oh yeah Nutty
47:58
Buddies I don't know if Twinkies A Little Debbie I don't know but same idea yeah I would just like think about them
48:05
constantly like being in her parents cabinet I'm like what are you gonna get that bowl out because they're like a whole Bowl just like full of all those
48:11
things it was glorious I'm like when can we like get more of those things yeah it's crazy you'd think
48:19
like things like that don't affect kids but they do they do and they're clearly still affecting us to this day yeah we
48:26
can't it was so vividly in our mind I feel like I came out okay
48:33
I honestly like there was a lot that I was still like coping with during my internship like I
48:40
wouldn't say like I felt I never went through like any therapy for
48:46
disordered eating unfortunately I would I had other issues going
48:52
but never for that one but luckily it was like the nutrition counseling class played such a big part with just like
48:59
being like Oh there's something else out there and then like finding honestly
49:04
like non-diet dietitians online that's that was my game changer that didn't even existed just like following people
49:10
like them yeah that was crazy I was like what is
49:16
what does it mean it's honestly what keeps me going in like my business is like knowing that I could be doing what
49:23
they did for me like being able to just like help someone like see the other side so they can just like keep learning
49:29
about it just like plant those seeds yeah because not everyone either can't
49:34
afford therapy who doesn't have access to therapy or they feel like embarrassed about it or they don't feel like they
49:41
need it which I think is where I've been for so long it's like I don't need therapy I'm good with food like I'm good
49:47
with stress I'm good with anxiety but like Maybe not maybe not yeah so
49:54
that's that yeah I feel like we had
49:59
different experiences with these things yeah like a lot of similars but like me similars there's a lot of
50:08
similars like we suck today remembrances his remembrances and similar I said I
50:14
said perceived conception so that's that's where we're at oh my gosh but
50:21
yeah I feel like mine was a lot of restriction like even in college
50:26
um yeah bikini intentions over exercise it really good exercise part but the
50:33
exercise look at the fin stretching he's so cute little paws so cute cute yeah he
50:39
like does this like Army curl it's so cute um yeah mine was mostly restriction and
50:45
then yeah over exercise I didn't really get into that much but um guilt for not going to the gym I had
50:52
to lift every day always comparing myself to the other people at the gym and like the gym honestly was the place
50:59
where I made so many friends um like I actually was looking at perfect pair a
51:04
minute ago or Instagram and I saw that like me and Brendan who found the podcast would like go to Taco Tuesday
51:10
with all the other personal trainers every week um so that was always super fun so a lot of great things came from it
51:16
which it sounds like like as an RA too like the things came from that of course as well but yeah
51:22
it doesn't negative all the bad enough to happen too the food situation with res life was far from the most the worst
51:31
part of yeah um but this is we're not talking about the time not the time no
51:39
because we'd be here for a while I could probably do a whole entire other podcast on it yeah
51:45
but that's another story for another day let's wrap this up because we gotta talk
51:51
about our bonus questions still oh my gosh which if you guys want to listen to the bonus question check out our little
51:59
beat Deets subscription it is there's a bio there's like Lincoln bio
52:06
on Instagram you can also find it on our website if you can't find it you can go
52:12
on to like Spotify or I think Apple podcast just on Spotify okay yeah well you'll
52:20
have to get Spotify uh and check it out there to find here
52:25
here are more light-hearted part of today even though today wasn't that today was not I would say not
52:31
lighthearted I feel like it's very easy for us to talk about like personal experiences we're not just
52:38
educating it's more of sharing stories I'm excited for more of these I like
52:44
these episodes I do too nice to talk about it and I think others will really appreciate knowing that like even
52:51
dietitians have these thoughts and these struggles and a lot of times that's where we started a lot of that people have that
52:58
experience yeah yeah so if you are struggling with disordered
53:03
eating you're you aren't alone there's a lot of people like Santa said a lot of dietitians also
53:09
had those thoughts have those thoughts potentially um and you're in the majority there's a lot
53:16
of people with disorder eating like Hannah and I have worked with so many people and
53:22
almost like almost every one of them has some type of like I'd say most people
53:28
it's wild to me very sad like most people I work with yeah have a form of
53:34
disorder dating so you aren't alone
53:39
hopefully this podcast can help but also if you feel that you need more intensive Health like seek out
53:45
a therapist a dietitian will work with individually like this is not medical
53:51
advice anything that we're giving you this is just we do a lot more like general education
53:58
um but it's okay to admit that there's something going on and it's also okay to seek out help there's nothing wrong with
54:05
that exactly exactly well thank you guys for listening let us know if you liked this
54:12
more like Story Time type of episode be again like want to keep doing more wait I like that sorry you just said story
54:18
time we could like title it like Story Time College days disordered eating
54:24
and that way they like always know like when it's a story time yeah we'll call it
54:31
College eating disordered eating and the patriarchy
54:38
I love it I love to make it as dramatic as possible yeah yeah
54:44
well thanks guys for listening let us know if you like these story times otherwise we will see you in the bonus question all right bye guys
The Beet Deets Bonus Segment
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Welcome to another installment of The Beet Deets Bonus Segment! Listeners of The Up-Beet Dietitians Podcast know that each episode ends with Hannah and Emily and guests having a (usually) friendly debate or answering a "would you rather" question. Well, we want to hear your opinions, too! By becoming a subscriber of The Beet Deets, you will have first dibs on future products as well as exclusive access to future ebooks and courses. We can't wait to keep growing this TUD Bud community!
Tune in to hear about how the girls prefer to receive and show their love for others. Can some of it be unpacked by discussing childhood trauma? Of course! Wouldn't be a TUD podcast episode without a little therapy session.
